JOB RELATED, Uncategorized




I wanted to talk about how I feel a need to be constantly progressing. I have a need for success, disappointment is unavoidable when I don’t reach specific goals.

It has moved onto affecting my daily life. If I don’t complete certain tasks in the day.. I feel like I’m wasted. However, my other side of my brain always wants to be curled up in bed. Constant battle.

I’ve noticed this more since started my new job and I can’t quite pinpoint whether this is my usual anxiety or it’s some form of OCD.

Anyways, I’m going to be writing posts of surviving your first day and work and so on within in the next few days. ( another task set)


Good evening,








So I had my first day at my NEW JOB. Eeeeeeek.

I’m no longer stuck in an office with no windows. I actually feel like my basic needs are met during the day. I’m allowed to communicate with other without feeling like I’m breaking rules, it’s amazing.


However the anxiety and nerves I had the night before were unbearable. I haven’t been anxious for a very long time, so it really snuck up on me.

The fact i had been belittled and embarrassed so much at my old job, I’d lost all confidence. I was terrified of it happening again.

I slept for about 4 hours, dragged myself in, doubling checking I had everything I needed 7 billion times on the bus in.

Oh .. that another thing. I had to get the bus which set my anxiety off before it was even 8am. Anyone else worry they won’t be able to get off the bus at the right stop?

Anyways, I’m two days in and I couldn’t be happier. I’m completely relieved and thrilled at the idea of going back again tomorrow.

I couldn’t of got through the last few weeks if it hadn’t been for my family, friend, boyfriend and this blog. So thank you.

You’ll hear more from me!


(Photo from



So it’s been just over two weeks since made redundant. After my whole life was taken away from me in the space of 10 minutes, I felt completely hopeful. Now I’m stuck trying to search for jobs.

Anyone else ever had to find a job? But had NO clue what they are interested in anymore..

I haven’t got the energy or the confidence to find a role that suits me and that really bothers me. I want to find something that I fit into well, and can sense that the team will need me.

I’m now battling in my head whether I should study further, settle for a job that I know I can do better in or bite the bullet and travel.




Mental health affects way more people than everyone thinks. But for some reasons no one is allowed to talk about or they even feel embarrassed to share how they really feel.

I myself have struggled with feeling low and I get panicky when things don’t go the way I expect them too.

I’m ready to start talking about it.

It’s hard to wake up some days and know that I’m physically well enough to get on with my day but there is something in my head stopping me. Some days getting dressed is even an issue.

I must say I have improved since this time last year but that’s with the help from my friends/boyfriend and family. I’ve learnt to say “I don’t feel right” when my head can’t bear the thought of dealing with anything.

I think accepting their is a problem is the first step to understanding the problem. My mini motto.

Keep looking up. Have a lovely day.


Uncategorized, UNI



Today I thought I’d discuss my university experience. So many people go to university now, and it is possible for anyone. Except being in debt FOREVER. Anyways, I didn’t want to put anyone off going to university but to give those heading off to university in September a mini insight.

SO i worked my butt off at college to get into nursing. It was my dream to be a neonatal nurse, I studied extra courses so I’d get accepted SOMEWHERE. Everyone trying to get into Nursing understands how hard it is to get into the university of your choice.

All the universities closer to home, either gave me interviews and said no or said no straight away (confidence boost, yay). However, London South Bank University accepted me! I was over the moon!

After the initial excitement was over, I realised I’d be leaving so much behind. My friends, Family and my boyfriend (at the time). All though  I was willing to do whatever it took to be a nurse.


I turned up on my first day at university to an absolute s**t hole. My student halls were made up of around 8 blocks of orange brick, which looked so outdated it was disgusting. Inside was so much worse. To start the keys turn the wrong way to a normal key.. brilliant start. Once you entered the heavy fire doors, you’d head up these BRIGHT green stairs which lead to the letter box sized rooms. I will insert a photo below of the room (this was actually when i left so it looked kind of clean ).


So as you can see the paint is coming off the walls, the mattress is worn and just gross. I had to get new curtains as mine were ripped and full of dust. So, my mum was pretty upset to leave me there lets put it that way. ALSO, this room cost £120 a WEEK to rent. HOW RIDICULOUS.


Moving onto fresher’s week. The week of making fake friends and getting so drunk you don’t remember your own name. Its all rubbish, and a way to waste all your money.


My first few weeks consisted of being drunk, going through a break up, falling out with my flat mates (I lived with 5 other girls) and missing my family stupid amounts.

My eating habits suffered massively. I’m not a brilliant eater anyway, but the state of the kitchen made it worse. The flat parties would leave alcohol stains and mysterious marks all over, which made it impossible for me to feel comfortable to eat ANYTHING. So i lived off the chip shop van and biscuits. (Photo below of me eating biscuits hungover, in onesie) A result of this i lost a stupid amount of weight, and for someone who was quite athletic and slim. It made a difference.



So we finally got our uniform which i will show you below also, which barley fit me because i was so titchy by then. It was white which eventually turned yellowish from washing. But it was bearable.


Once i got on to the wards for my placements (i was at great Ormond’s street) I was completely overwhelmed by the volume of heartache and sadness amongst the wards. I had the idea in my head that the nurses would treat the patients but also make sure they left with a smile on their faces. I was left with nurses who didn’t want to be their and were massively overworked.

I’d have panic attacks every time someone spoke to me with a slightly mean tone, and would cry whenever i left the wards. I slowly started to believe I wasn’t made for the job I once wished to do SO badly.


So after many tearful conversations with my parents at 3am i decided to drop out. The process wasn’t easy and you have to go through many interviews and conversations to be let out of the course and the accommodation.

Even writing this now it does sound all negative BUT there were many positives, I discovered a lot about myself and who i am. I met so many interesting people and have made some really close friends for life.

So this is a little insight into life as a student nurse, hopefully more people will recognise the funding needed for the NHS to provide more support and help through the training, to encourage others into the role.

There are SO many other areas i will be talking about regarding my experience at university, but I’ll leave this blog here.

Have a lovely day.